Why the words Chair and Dair shouldn’t be used together (Ever.)
September 19, 2007. The beginning of everything. Well, not really; not for any ordinary person in the world. Babies were born, proposals were made; nothing new. However, in the perspective of a teenage girl, it holds an importance of a much different kind. The pilot episode of “Gossip Girl” aired. Two years later, I get hooked on the show. Fast forward another two years and I’m begging for the end. And only 40% out of boredom, without counting Chuck’s “enlightened” monologues. Taking that into account, it’s about 80%. Really, what I want to see is the ending, without having to endure any more shallowness, scheming and love triangles (squares and polygons). Dair (Dan/Blair), I can endure, but Chair (Chuck/Blair) and Serenate (Serena/Nate) have been giving me migraines for long enough. Speaking of the billion love affairs, it seems that the writers of the show have adopted the famous “Grey’s Anatomy” theory. (Any two characters that haven’t been together, should. Any two characters that have been together, should again.) Being the fanatical person that I am, I realized that one “Gossip Girl” character has covered every single boyfriend stereotype. And it’s our very own Blair Waldorf - the socialite that every girl in the world wants to look, walk, talk and, especially, dress like; or as I like to call her, the reason every teenage girl will die alone with her seventy cats.
Prince Charming
Disney’s white horses and glittering carriages are nothing in comparison with Nate Archibald. In fact, a blend of all the fairytale princes might not be as cliché as the character that is Nate. He’s handsome, rich, popular, handsome again, sweet, and of course, extremely stupid. Main occupation: sweeping girls off their feet and looking at them with his puppy-dog eyes; never mind that he’s a useless stoner in the book; in the show he’s Mr. Perfect. So who could really blame any girl who would want to wait for him forever, and ditch every other shot at love? And who could really blame any girl who would refuse to accept the reality that Nate is only a character (and mind you a pretty shallow one). Well okay, you could blame her a little, but it’s the whole series that gives us a whole new perspective on relationships. Ever since the nineteenth century females have been feeding on stories about true love and the prince that will save them. The fact that Nate Archibald reminds everyone of their prince is all the producers’ fault. Really.
The Dark Knight
It’s a tale as old as time; the beauty falls for a beast and after some arguing, he changes and they live happily ever after. But what if the beast refuses to change? Well, then we get Chuck Bass. It’s true that, as the years have passed, Chuck has matured in his own way. His love for Blair grew proportionally with his attempts to cause her physical and emotional harm. We all thought that the climax of their affection was his trading her for a hotel, but apparently he had more loving to do. His last great deed of adoration was the attempt to rape her when she chose someone else over him. Though bad boys have always had their appeal, I thought that the writers had completely destroyed Chuck and hopefully their careers. But I was wrong. More and more girls have been falling for the Bass, fantasizing of being the one who “saves him”. Since after all, who could resist a drug-using, girlfriend-selling jerk that drinks a Johnnie a day because he loves you?
The Pauper
Every story has its outsider; too smart to fit in, not smart enough to realize that he shouldn’t. And when he looks like Dan Humphrey, it’s very hard to resist falling in love with the poor martyred soul that keeps getting tangled in everyone’s wicked webs. Most closely resembling an actually wholesome character, Humphrey won my heart two minutes in. He’s deep, thoughtful and madly in love with Serena. No, wait, he was utterly in love with Vanessa, his best friend. Or was that
Romantic novels have been ruining women’s lives since some idiot started writing them. But with “Gossip Girl” a new, more twisted version of true love and Mr. Right is beginning to form. Apparently, today’s princes are not required to show love, but to transform it into anger. Moping alone, while pushing the girl away into someone else’s hands is obviously also a great option. And, needless to say, being too stupid to do anything is the best of all alternatives. Thus, while Blair Waldorf remains the single character that hasn’t been destroyed completely, we can’t say the same for most teenage girls’ future love life. So where does her blooming love life leave us? That’s right, in a pit of popcorn, chocolate and arguing over who would be better, Chuck or Dan.
Simona Sarafinovska
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