TVD – The Violent Diaries?

With “Twilight” and the beginning of the new vampire era in mass culture, humans, vampires and usually many other beings are thrown together in a fusion of supernatural world. Yet, in some instances there seems to be more throwing around than in other. Blood, lust and death are of course expected in anything that involves vampires. However, as the death toll in “The Vampire Diaries” nears the one of World War I, I can’t help but wonder whether the PG-13 rating of the show might be a little off.

One might agree that the TV show can be compared with wine; it gets better with time. Not only do the love interests become more complex and compelling, but the action and horror elements become more profound. But, all things come with a price, and for this show the price are the wages of at least five new actors per episode, just for the sake of murdering their characters. Truly, it seems that any new character that appears in an episode is doomed to die. In trying to make the show as different as possible from the infamous and highly criticized “Twilight Saga”, the writers of this epic vampire love story have made certain that every season has at least one big bad wolf (the last one actually being a half-wolf). During the first season, the main problem was getting the main vampire brother and human girl couple, Stefan and Elena, married before Damon, his evil vampire brother, kills the entire population of the town, including the priest. As the second season came and Damon’s thirst for blood lessened, Katherine was brought into the show. Because of her malicious ways, murder becomes the favorite pastime in Mystic Falls. But if you thought that killing a girl in ten seconds by choking her with her own necklace was the worst that this show has to offer, Klaus is there to make you reconsider. Obviously, the producers weren’t satisfied with the quick and painless ways in which people had been killed in the first two seasons, that they brought us two entire new breeds of vampires- rippers and hybrids. Stefan, as the main representative of the first, likes to not only kill his victims, but play with them first. Naturally, most memorable are the two girls that he pulled to pieces after feeding on them, and then later put them back together in a sitting position in front of their TV. Still, because seeing this gruesome picture wasn’t enough to last us a lifetime, the series showed you what should be a completely new form of gore- killing creatures called hybrids. One of the main goals of the protagonists in the latest season is to destroy the entire hybrid breed. Because these are a combination of vampires and werewolves, there are only two extremely horrible ways to kill them, decapitation and removing the heart. The one prop in the entire show that must be used more than the vampire fangs, definitely must be the pumping heart. Throughout the last couple of episodes, I think that this heart has gotten more air time than any one of the main characters. Nevertheless, the show is trying to make amends for its high level of violence. The only underage character in the last season was compelled to leave the town and its supernatural residents behind, because his sister decided that he shouldn’t be in such a vicious world. Needless to say, before his departure, he single-handedly murdered a bunch of vampires and hybrids, the most remarkable being chopping a hybrid’s head off on the front porch with a kitchen knife.

Although the center of the show is the love triangle between a mortal teenage girl and two vampire brothers, it’s what’s happening to the secondary characters that really enthrall the viewers. And while Damon and Stefan are battling for Elena’s heart, the hearts of many other more loveable characters are pulled out of their chest. Hence, I believe that a moment of silence is necessary for Jenna, Vicky, Anna, the Mayor of Mystic Falls, the old guy who had a five-minute-long boring speech, the girl who made Damon cry and needless to say for the girl that ran away from Klaus screaming “Help!” at the top of her lungs.

Why the words Chair and Dair shouldn’t be used together (Ever.)

September 19, 2007. The beginning of everything. Well, not really; not for any ordinary person in the world. Babies were born, proposals were made; nothing new. However, in the perspective of a teenage girl, it holds an importance of a much different kind. The pilot episode of “Gossip Girl” aired. Two years later, I get hooked on the show. Fast forward another two years and I’m begging for the end. And only 40% out of boredom, without counting Chuck’s “enlightened” monologues. Taking that into account, it’s about 80%. Really, what I want to see is the ending, without having to endure any more shallowness, scheming and love triangles (squares and polygons). Dair (Dan/Blair), I can endure, but Chair (Chuck/Blair) and Serenate (Serena/Nate) have been giving me migraines for long enough. Speaking of the billion love affairs, it seems that the writers of the show have adopted the famous “Grey’s Anatomy” theory. (Any two characters that haven’t been together, should. Any two characters that have been together, should again.) Being the fanatical person that I am, I realized that one “Gossip Girl” character has covered every single boyfriend stereotype. And it’s our very own Blair Waldorf - the socialite that every girl in the world wants to look, walk, talk and, especially, dress like; or as I like to call her, the reason every teenage girl will die alone with her seventy cats.

Prince Charming

Disney’s white horses and glittering carriages are nothing in comparison with Nate Archibald. In fact, a blend of all the fairytale princes might not be as cliché as the character that is Nate. He’s handsome, rich, popular, handsome again, sweet, and of course, extremely stupid. Main occupation: sweeping girls off their feet and looking at them with his puppy-dog eyes; never mind that he’s a useless stoner in the book; in the show he’s Mr. Perfect. So who could really blame any girl who would want to wait for him forever, and ditch every other shot at love? And who could really blame any girl who would refuse to accept the reality that Nate is only a character (and mind you a pretty shallow one). Well okay, you could blame her a little, but it’s the whole series that gives us a whole new perspective on relationships. Ever since the nineteenth century females have been feeding on stories about true love and the prince that will save them. The fact that Nate Archibald reminds everyone of their prince is all the producers’ fault. Really.

The Dark Knight

It’s a tale as old as time; the beauty falls for a beast and after some arguing, he changes and they live happily ever after. But what if the beast refuses to change? Well, then we get Chuck Bass. It’s true that, as the years have passed, Chuck has matured in his own way. His love for Blair grew proportionally with his attempts to cause her physical and emotional harm. We all thought that the climax of their affection was his trading her for a hotel, but apparently he had more loving to do. His last great deed of adoration was the attempt to rape her when she chose someone else over him. Though bad boys have always had their appeal, I thought that the writers had completely destroyed Chuck and hopefully their careers. But I was wrong. More and more girls have been falling for the Bass, fantasizing of being the one who “saves him”. Since after all, who could resist a drug-using, girlfriend-selling jerk that drinks a Johnnie a day because he loves you?

The Pauper

Every story has its outsider; too smart to fit in, not smart enough to realize that he shouldn’t. And when he looks like Dan Humphrey, it’s very hard to resist falling in love with the poor martyred soul that keeps getting tangled in everyone’s wicked webs. Most closely resembling an actually wholesome character, Humphrey won my heart two minutes in. He’s deep, thoughtful and madly in love with Serena. No, wait, he was utterly in love with Vanessa, his best friend. Or was that Georgina? Olivia? I got it, it’s definitely Blair he’s desperately in love with, she’s the one he’s making tea for, while helping her save her engagement to another man. Well, at least right now. And isn’t that what every girl wants; a guy who will be prepared to suffer hearing how complicated the love triangle between her and two other guys is and still love her. Every damsel in distress needs to be rescued, who cares if the knight probably has Chronic Hero Syndrome.

Romantic novels have been ruining women’s lives since some idiot started writing them. But with “Gossip Girl” a new, more twisted version of true love and Mr. Right is beginning to form. Apparently, today’s princes are not required to show love, but to transform it into anger. Moping alone, while pushing the girl away into someone else’s hands is obviously also a great option. And, needless to say, being too stupid to do anything is the best of all alternatives. Thus, while Blair Waldorf remains the single character that hasn’t been destroyed completely, we can’t say the same for most teenage girls’ future love life. So where does her blooming love life leave us? That’s right, in a pit of popcorn, chocolate and arguing over who would be better, Chuck or Dan.

Simona Sarafinovska